I don’t have any luck with men

Dear Pastor,

I am the mother of two children. I am 27 years old. These children are for two different men.

This is not something that I had planned. My first pregnancy was a big mistake. I was 24 years old. When I agreed to have sex with this man, I asked him if he had protection and he said no, but he would withdraw. He said he would not ejaculate in me. I believed him and when we were having sex, everything was feeling so good. It was when this man ejaculated in me that I remembered that he had said that he would not do so. I tried to push him off but it was too late.

I asked him for money so that I could buy the morning-after Pill. He said that he did not have any money, but he would let me have it the next day. I called him about 11 o'clock and he said he was at work, but he would bring the money. He did not, and the whole day went by. Then the following day also passed. This man 'soaked me up', so I ended up with an unplanned child.

My second child is by a man I really love. Both of us planned to get married. After we set our wedding date, we were having unprotected sex. But this man met a tragic death in a collision. When that happened, I was six weeks pregnant. His brother has been very good to me. He has taken all the responsibility of supporting his nephew. I have even heard people say how much the child resembles him, but we have never had an affair. He is just a good man to his nephew.

I am not interested in having another man in my life. I am back in school doing post-graduate work. I am fortunate to hold my job. I hope to leave this country in the next couple of years. Most of my relatives are living abroad and they are encouraging me to join them over there.

B.S.

Dear B.S.,

You first child's father fooled you. It could have been that he was just lying when he told you that he would not discharge in you.

But I am glad you did not abort the pregnancy. It is unfortunate that the man who got you pregnant the second time lost his life in a collision. But his brother has been supporting the child. I congratulate you for continuing to study. That must be very tough. I wish you well. Ignore what people say about you.

Pastor